THE WOODWARD/MORFOOT CONUNDRUM ~ Working Girl

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

—Lucius Annaeus Seneca…and Robert Evans

In homage to the woman who inspired this blog, Joanne Woodward, I wanted to share the fact that I’ve accomplished two non-Harry related things in the last few weeks. The first is that I completed my thesis. Hallelujah! The second is that I wrote a story that was published in The New York Times Magazine Sunday (a small story, but it is The New York Times!). Despite the piece’s low word count, it took a big chunk of time. The thesis, with its high word count, took a lot more time (as well as a few years off my life).

Now that both are done, and I have more time to enjoy Harry again, I’m back to contemplating Ms. Woodward’s thoughts on motherhood and career ambitions. Harry spent much of last spring in daycare, which left me feeling like Joanne: guilty.

Joanne said that she didn’t consider herself much of a mother because she was always “running out to do a movie or something.” My work is not nearly as glamorous and hers, and my husband is not Paul Newman so I have to work. That said, I feel a certain amount of guilt when I’m not with Harry—even if it’s because I’m on deadline. But overall, I’m dealing with the guilt a bit better these days, and I think it has to do with age. Not mine, but Harry’s.

Harry is approaching 17 months (which means he’s practically human!). He can walk, feed himself, blow kisses, wave goodbye, and even say Addie (still waiting on Mommy). It’s pretty incredible to watch him evolve. And I’m thankful each and every day that he’s no longer an infant. I, unlike some mothers out there, did not like infancy. The unpredictability of it meshed with the sleepless nights and lack of human interaction really knocked me off my feet for a solid year. But now that Harry is officially a toddler and kisses me when I ask him to (and once-in-a-while without being even prompted), it makes me feel better about my non-Harry days. I get the feeling that Harry really likes it when I’m excited, happy, and proud. Writing, in whatever form, triggers these emotions. Being Harry’s mommy also provokes these feelings, but usually not all at once, which bothers me. Why can’t I feel complete being just a mom?

Joanne said, “If I had to do it over, I would either have a career or children.” My guess is that I’m like her. One of those women that just needs both. And these days, in spite of my guilt, I’m feeling pretty lucky that that’s what I have!

Addie Morfoot is a freelance journalist at Daily Variety and is finishing her MFA in creative writing at The New School. Last year, her world turned upside down when she gave birth to her son Harry. Every other Monday, she writes about juggling work, school, marriage, and motherhood in the Big Apple.