THE WOODWARD/MORFOOT CONUNDRUM ~ Thank God for Jada

Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.

— Ed Asner

A few years ago I went to meet my husband Ross for lunch. He was in the midst of a 48-hour weekend Dalai Lama lecture, meaning that for two days he was listening to words of wisdom from the Tibetan spiritual leader. Ross brought some of his friends from the workshop along with him and, after I plopped down with my tuna sandwich and Diet Coke, I asked them how the lecture was going.

Woman #1:  Why didn’t you sign up for it?

Me:  I’m not really into that kind of thing.

Woman #2:  You mean you don’t meditate?

Me:  (laugh) No.

Woman #1:  So then how do you relax?

Me: (straight face) I read tabloids.

Woman #2:  You what?

Me:  You know, those celebrity gossip magazines. They are so mindless that they completely zone me out.

Woman #1 and #2:  (looks of disgust)

Me:  (big smile)

I’ve never been one to conceal my lowbrow tabloid (and reality television) habit because I know that even though I enjoy both, neither makes me any less intelligent or intellectual than the next guy. Put me down and give me all the disgusted looks you like, but just because I read Us Weekly doesn’t mean that I don’t read The New York Times and my share of Proust (although I prefer Jeffrey Eugenides’ The Marriage Plot right now).

That said, ever since Harry came into the picture, my once beloved Us Weekly hasn’t given me as much pleasure as it used to. I blame it on the bombardment of celebrity mommy’s giving tips on how they achieved their perfect post-baby bods and post-baby thrills. The fact that the majority of these women lose 80 pounds of pregnancy weight in ten days is not only annoying, it’s totally misleading. It takes a while and a lot of self-motivation to leave your house post-delivery, let alone go to the gym. What also gets on my nerves is the “Life is AMAZING” mantra, the concept that nothing about having a baby is hard at all and every second is pure, unadulterated bliss.

PAH-LEASE!

Can these celeb mamas stop their yammering and think about the rest of us poor slobs who don’t have a litter of nannies, personal chefs, trainers, cleaning services, and chauffeurs? Life is hard enough as a woman—according to the magazines we should all be 5’9″ and flawless, even 24 hours after giving birth! God forbid you experience any struggle. Why would you? Motherhood, according to superstar moms, is easy.

But after a vigorous search, I finally found one celeb mama willing to be honest:

“All moms struggle. Celebrities just know how to conceal it,” says Jada Pinkett Smith, who has two children with husband Will Smith and is stepmom to his first son. “While motherhood is a beautiful thing, it’s traumatic to the body and the mind. I had some really down days after my kids were born. I thought I would never recover, even though I had a lot of help. The acting comes in handy. We can pretend everything is great even if it isn’t.”

Bravo Jada! Thank-you for your honesty.

Addie Morfoot is a freelance journalist at Daily Variety and is finishing her MFA in creative writing at The New School. Last year, her world turned upside down when she gave birth to her son Harry. Every other Monday, she writes about juggling work, school, marriage, and motherhood in the Big Apple.