You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster… It was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.
⁓”Grandma” in the 1989 film Parenthood
Sometimes I wish my husband Ross and I preferred the merry-go-round. It would probably make things easier. Last week, though, I realized just how much we enjoy our roller coaster life. Although the ride has hit a few valleys, it has also hit a few amazing peaks.
As for the valleys—my one-year-old son Harry and I both have colds that aren’t letting up. He also accidentally head-butted me on Friday morning, and if you look close you can see a slight shiner. In addition, his tush is very tender and requires lots of lotion.
But this week’s highs have definitely outweighed the lows. They’ve included teaching Harry to high-five (I consider this a major stepping stone) and taking him swimming for the first time at our local YMCA. My husband Ross also returned from India where he’s been working for two weeks, and I got to lead a discussion about Oedipus Rex for a class at the New School.
I hadn’t read the Sophocles play since I was an undergrad (a long time ago!), so re-visiting the text was intimidating and inspiring. After the discussion, New Yorker critic/essayist Daniel Mendelsohn lectured about Oedipus and his road rage (yes, a character from 425 B.C can have road rage). It was a wonderful way to spend a Thursday afternoon. Afterwards, I attended a writing workshop, and then spent time working on my thesis. It was an all-around great day, and one that I’m not sure I would have had if I’d chosen to ride the merry-go-round. Sophocles literally put a bounce into my motherhood step. (Yes, I do know what Oedipus Rex is about. It was Sophocles’s writing that boosted my morale, not Oedipus and Jocasta. Jeez!)
But then Joanne Woodward crept into my brain, her quote still haunting me: If I had to do it over, I would either have a career or children. Guilt set in. I should have been with Harry for those five hours, not in some classroom. But then something unusual happened—I forced myself to take a deep breath and channel Ross, who was still in India at the time. Ross tells me at least once a week that non-mommy activities are a vital component of being a good mother. For me, non-mommy activities are teaching classes, writing about the entertainment industry, and concentrating on my MFA. Ross has tried over and over again to convince me that these endeavors make me a happy person and, therefore, a good mom. After last week, I’m beginning to think he’s right. Harry is the most adorable, funny, sweet, and sensitive human being I know, but he’s also a lot of work. Giving myself a break to participate in something I really enjoy makes those hard mom moments a little easier.
So here’s to our roller coaster ride—let’s hope we get plenty out of it.
Addie Morfoot is a freelance journalist at Daily Variety and is finishing her MFA in creative writing at The New School. Last year, her world turned upside down when she gave birth to her son Harry. Each Monday, she writes about juggling work, school, marriage, and motherhood in the Big Apple.
