THE WOODWARD/MORFOOT CONUNDRUM ~ Date Night

“As your child’s second year begins, take some time to think about your relationship with your partner. Caring for an infant can wreak havoc on couples. You may find yourselves bickering a lot or just not connecting the way you used to. Don’t despair—it takes time to adjust to having another person around. Now that your baby-turned-toddler is becoming less dependent, make a point of getting away to do adult things, just the two of you.”

⁓BabyCenter.com

Last February, I signed up to receive weekly emails detailing my baby’s development. My son Harry was five weeks old. Needless to say, I was desperate for answers, information, magic tricks, anything. I still get emails with the subject line “Your Baby This Week,” but now I usually trash them. I’m already anxious enough—I can’t dwell on the never-ending parenting news, expert advice, and tips. But last Monday’s message caught my eye. Actually it made me laugh…out loud.

My husband Ross and I had scheduled a “date night,” and I desperately wanted to call it off. Earlier in the day, I was waiting in line (not so patiently) at CVS, picking up antibiotics for a sinus infection that Ross had given me, which Harry had given him. Despite a serious case of the sniffles, I had not been able to rest in the five days since Ross’s re-entry into the country from a two-week work trip to India. Harry-care, work, school, and household duties would not allow it. I had a strong desire to hit the hay right after I put Harry down at 7 PM, but an email with the above quote from BabyCenter.com hit a nerve. Havoc is a nice word. Harry’s arrival last January caught both Ross and I off-guard despite nine and a half months of planning. Infancy was not as blissful as the celebrity moms make it out to be. It was more in the vein of MTV’s Teen Mom— terror and dread mixed with love and awe. Before Harry arrived, Ross and I slept in on the weekends; came and went as we liked; and spent a lot, A LOT, of time enjoying each other’s company.

Then, thirteen months ago, that all changed. Our days became about Harry and Harry only. Nothing mattered more than feeding him, changing him, making sure he had enough diapers, making sure he was warm (but not too warm), and of course the delightful 12 AM, 3 AM, and 5 AM feedings. My only goal at that time was to keep Harry alive. The last thing I cared about was my hygiene, my teeth grinding problems, my severely un-highlighted hair, or my husband. (I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the feeling was mutual.) Thank god, a little over a year later, things have changed. Harry (knock on wood) sleeps through the night. He can practically feed himself, and I’m comfortable now in my mommy-hood. That said, Ross and I are still EXHAUSTED.

We ended up going on our date and, while it was nice to eat dinner and not worry about Harry’s food throwing problem, at 7:30 we decided to forgo the planned movie in favor or some much needed rest. We resolved to hit the theater on Friday instead when we would be in Connecticut visiting my parents. But Friday came and went with no movie. Ross was in bed by 9 PM, and I joined him thirty minutes later. We could have hit the town. Rock at out Tavern on 7 (the local sports bar), catch a movie at the multiplex down the road, or even pretend we were in Tuscany by going to the Tuscan Oven restaurant, but in all honesty, we are too frickin’ tired. Getting away to do adult things is just not in the cards at the moment. That said, despite the fact that we aren’t date night overachievers, I think we are slowly but surely finding each other again. I know we love each other and I know we WILL go to a movie before Harry turns two!

Addie Morfoot is a freelance journalist at Daily Variety and is finishing her MFA in creative writing at The New School. Last year, her world turned upside down when she gave birth to her son Harry. Each Monday, she writes about juggling work, school, marriage, and motherhood in the Big Apple.