Motherhood is not a job.
—Elizabeth Gardner
My good friend sent me a link to a brilliant Op-Ed by Elizabeth Gardner about motherhood that was published in the Chicago Tribune on April 18th. My friend has two children—two very small children. Somehow, she manages to raise both babies and work part-time as a lawyer. As you may have gathered from this column, I have a hard time working and raising one child. The very notion of having another child in the near future sends chills down my spine. This is because, as Gardner so eloquently states, “being a stay-at-home mother is not a job.” No, it’s much, much harder than any job out there.
“Once you take it up,” Gardner writes, “it’s 24/7 at some level for the rest of your life, or until you manage (if you’re lucky) to launch your offspring on their own self-sustaining lives. But even then, the worry is always lurking just under the surface. Jobs let you go home at the end of the day, or at least take the occasional vacation.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
My husband Ross and I are dying to go on a vacation. I want to go to—of all places—Florida. I just want to get the hell out of New England and sit on a nice beach. I don’t care if it’s like a sauna down there, but Ross is not into the idea. Let’s just say he has post-traumatic humidity stress. The main reason I want to go to Florida is because I know that the hotels there have childcare options. This is a necessity if you want to “enjoy yourself” while on vacation with a 15-month-old.
I’m not saying that motherhood is like slavery. Far from it. After all, as a mother, you are privy to extraordinary moments each and every day. Moments that you cherish. For instance, Harry recently started giving me hugs, which reduces me to tears. Those same days, however, also come with moments of complete despair and utter paranoia. Harry kicks me now when I change his diaper, which makes me worry he might have anger problems. That said, unlike work, you never feel a desire to quit. Yes, a glass of wine (or two or three) after a particularly difficult day might be in order, but it’s worth it.
Addie Morfoot is a freelance journalist at Daily Variety and is finishing her MFA in creative writing at The New School. Last year, her world turned upside down when she gave birth to her son Harry. Every other Monday, she writes about juggling work, school, marriage, and motherhood in the Big Apple.
