BIG CITY SIREN ~ New Year, New You (but only if you want it…)

Women learn a lot about themselves in their 20s and 30s.  They learn that using the phrase “You don’t love me like I love you,” while faux-crying is not really cute.  They learn that when they get gas, it’s more likely linked to the broccoli they ate at lunch than a spontaneous pregnancy. They learn that if their last boyfriend had acted the way they had, they’d probably want to end things too. They learn that some people are mean, and what a real hangover feels like. They learn how to hold a big girl job and deal with a boss that knows less than they do.  Most importantly, they learn that they are allowed to live life however they see fit. Being an adult doesn’t mean you’re boring or lame or that you’ve sold out—it means you’re independent and that’s awesome.

A good friend of mine (who is very attractive and I want to have sex with) sent me an essay by MeredithBklyn, a fellow Big City Siren.  I think we should all heed her message as we head into the New Year:

This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. They mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party.  But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month?  Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe.  Life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.

Lindsey Gentile is an actor, writer, comedienne, and all-around gal-about-town. Every Thursday, she reports from the front lines of single life in NYC. Check out her website HERE. Need more Big City Siren?  No problem.