I am a stay-at-home dad.
Even before I was a stay-at-home dad, or any kind of a dad, back when I was just a plain old local New Yorker, I often felt like a zoo animal. It had to do with the way I was viewed by out-of-towners as they passed by, staring at this or that and wondering why I wore this or that or whatnot. And they always took pictures, too—to document the experience, I suppose.
And this was fine. We live in a strange city. People do not understand us. People come to our strange land from Germany or Iran or Ohio and they stare in wonder at the natives in the same way we New Yorkers go to New Hampshire or New Zealand or Maine and think “Huh.” This is normal. This is to be expected. This is something that we as New Yorkers, and as humans, must learn to live with.
But after the arrival of my daughter, E, I have found that this local stay-at-home zoo animal has grown increasingly hostile.
Perhaps it’s a sort of momma bear mentality that has settled in, but this stay-at-home dad has no patience for people taking unsolicited photos of his little E. Given the state of the Internet, and the world, and the nature of weirdoes everywhere, can you really blame him?
A recent instance comes to mind: We were in Central Park having a picnic. We were with our dog (who is admittedly very cute), and we’d gotten lunch (E’s was organic and packaged; mine was two burgers from the Boathouse take-out window; the dog had gotten his earlier at the apartment, so he was left to beg from us). We laid out our picnic blanket. We pulled out our baby toys. We settled in. We were content.
And then, from one of those horse carriages that roll along the park drive, a guy hopped up, pulled out his camera, and pointed it in our direction. So this stay-at-home zoo animal immediately and angrily and emphatically started nodding him off, meaning: don’t take this picture, put down your camera, sit back down, go away. This momma bear was well prepared to run over there with a blunt object and be downright unneighborly.
The guy sat down. The guy went away.
Were we a striking a cute image sitting there on the lawn in our urban setting, enjoying a picnic? Undoubtedly. Were we photogenic? Almost certainly. Was the guy aiming his lens at something behind us? Not likely, but possible.
If you want to take a picture of this zoo animal or his dog, I won’t be thrilled about it, but it’s ok, that’s just how it is, that’s just what happens. But unwelcome photos of my daughter will not be tolerated.
Is this unreasonable? Is this paranoid? Is this aggressive? Is this insane?
I do not care. Do not take a picture of my kid. I am a stay-at-home dad, and this particular zoo animal will bite, if necessary.
Every Wednesday, Jason brings us stories from the frontline of Manhattan childrearing. Hungry for more parenting adventures? Check out Jason’s blog The Recent Paterfamilias. Have a question or a topic you’d like to ask a New York stay-at-home dad? Email it to emily@askanewyorker.com.
