In the fall of 1997, on Long Beach Island in Jersey, my friends John, Jerome, and Freddy cautiously agreed to let me help them build a porch on Second Street in Beach Heaven. John knew I was mechanically challenged and still years away from memorizing and applying “lefty loosey, righty tighty” when turning a screw. Early in the affair,… Read more »
I love Lower Manhattan this time of year. I have at least 50 (no exaggeration) different spots along the water where I can sit and watch boats, or the sun, or children playing. I never get tired of seeking out new vantage points on the Hudson and East rivers because, like my ancestors of long… Read more »
I have a loud sex neighbor. It’s not all the time, but when it happens, I feel like drinking bleach. I’m not sure why bleach always comes to mind—I guess it’s the cleanest thing I can think of. I can’t get mad at them though, because when I have sex I’m pretty loud too. Not… Read more »
Q: Iʼm a thirty-something straight guy on a budget. Iʼd like to trade in my baggy, basic blue jeans for something more stylish and current, but a lot of the designer brands are way out of my price range. Iʼm not looking to shop at K-Mart, but I canʼt afford Barneyʼs either. Where in NYC… Read more »
Just jump on the moving train and try not to die. —Chris Rock, What to Expect When You’re Expecting I’ve been on a speeding train for the last couple of months, but I think (key word: think) it’s going to slow down a bit this summer—a mixed blessing. While it would be nice to unpack… Read more »
I lost both my hips. Their decline was due to poor genetic lotto and a thousand games played on concrete and asphalt. One stood out: Johnny on the Pony, a game of immense endurance and stupidity. The game’s strategy involved one team (“The Pony”) forming a long bent-over row like a Chinese New Year’s dragon, while the other… Read more »
In this country, it is generally assumed that mothers are egregiously under-appreciated. No one really knows how much good work they do and how tirelessly they do it—not the fathers of their children and certainly not the children themselves. No one but fellow mothers know the heartache, worry, sacrifice, and exhaustion they continuously grin and… Read more »
Men! They are from Mars, and we are from Venus, right? Not exactly. Here is something that is going to blow your mind: We are all actually from the same planet—Earth. Google it. So why then, is it so hard for men and women to “get” each other? I blame pop music. There was a time when… Read more »
Q: I am a woman in my early 60s who enjoys dressing nicely and keeping up with the current trends. Unfortunately, it seems like most stores cater to women in their twenties and thirties, or they sell “old lady” clothes. There doesnʼt seem to be a whole lot in-between. Iʼm too old for mini skirts… Read more »
“The royal ass has been wiped!” Mom would make this announcement from the bathroom as Rory and I drank Tang and ate burnt toast in the kitchen. We’d hear Dad moaning to himself in his bedroom. After Dad went to the bathroom each morning, Mom would examine how much toilet paper remained on the roll. Dad was… Read more »
