Taking a cab down to Ground Zero one day to do some filming with my friend Michael, I came across Stuart…..
Ask a New Yorker: Hi Stuart, tell us about yourself.
Stuart : I’m a 58 year old cab driver. I’ve been doing this since 1967. I must be fucked-up in the head. And I’m one of the only New York cab drivers who is not a member of Al-Qaida. Just kidding, folks!
Ask a New Yorker: Tell us some stories.
Stuart : Talking with Christopher Walken was one, kissing Angelina Jolie good night was another.
Ask a New Yorker: On those lips!?
Stuart : On the cheek.
Ask a New Yorker: What else?
Stuart : Last year I started writing a book about the days of cab driving from the 60s on up to the present day. I meet so many different types of people from all over the place, from the biggest actors and celebrities to the lowest scum. Whatever is out there taking a cab.
Ask a New Yorker: Tell us more about the book you’re writing.
Stuart : It’s called “Confessions of an English-speaking cab driver”. I’m almost done and I have it all on tape. I’m going to transfer it over, well, my son’s going to help me download it into a computer.
Ask a New Yorker: Excellent! Tell us a good joke.
Stuart : Alright. Two Jews are on the Titanic. One says to the other, “Saul, this ship is sinking”. His friend says, “What do you care, you don’t own it!”. I used to tell women in the morning “Did you hear about that lady that was mugged in the park last night?” And they’d say, “What happened?”, and I’d say “Three gays guys…two held her down and one did her hair!”. You know that one out of four women would look at me and say “Is she OK, what did they do to her?”. I’d say “They gave her a blunt cut, what the fuck do you want me to tell you, lady? Come on! It’s a joke!”
Ask a New Yorker: You’ve been driving cabs since when?
Stuart : I started driving in 1967 and stopped a couple years in the 70s to rest my head, clear my head a little bit, and came back to it and own the medallion now.
Ask a New Yorker: What year did you buy the medallion?
Stuart : 1984
Ask a New Yorker: How much?
Stuart : $78,000.
Ask a New Yorker: And what do they go for today?
Stuart : $310,000.
Ask a New Yorker: Great return on that investment.
Stuart : Right, but I’ve had everybody in here. I’ve had Regis Philben three times, Tatum O’Neill twice, Arthur Ashe three times, Mel Brooks, and Christopher Walken…my craziest passenger, by the way. Nice guy, but he’s out there.
Ask a New Yorker: What did you talk about with him?
Stuart : I asked him where he was from. He is a very talented actor and a lot of people used to tell me about him. He told me he was from Astoria, Queens and his parents owned a bakery. He’s a nice guy but his presence in the cab is overpowering. He’s the only guy I really have ever felt intimidated by. And I talked to Governor Cuomo twice. He was one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, and his son Andrew is right behind him. I talked to Mayer Koch once. I’ve talked to a lot of people.
Ask a New Yorker: Do they remember you when they get back in the cab?
Stuart : Yes, just the fact that I speak English and I shower daily. I have no partition. I’m just kidding around about the other cabbies. Most of them are good guys coming here to try to make a living and try to be Americans. Like I said, I met Michael Caine and his wife Shakira, I think that was her name, she was a real nice girl, and Vincent Gallo was another strange dude, Robin Williams another strange dude.
Ask a New Yorker: Why are cabs yellow?
Stuart : Why are pool tables green? If you had 16 of those you’d be green too. I have no fucking idea. You know why? So they stand out. I don’t know what’s going on around here. I’m just driving.
Ask a New Yorker: Tell us a strange cab story.
Stuart : Picking up the same person on the same day four times in different locations in the city. That’s happened twice. It’s freaky.
Ask a New Yorker: So what do you want to do next?
Stuart: I’d like to finish the book and make a movie out of it and have Christopher Walken play me. He’d be the greatest guy in the world to play me. I think I’m just as crazy as he is, in a different way. The best part about this business is that you’re picking up the most beautiful women in the world. And if you’re not afraid to talk to them you’ll find out a lot of things about good looking women that most guys don’t know. They just want an average guy and they want a guy that makes them laugh. And I do both! Except I’ve been married for 21 years, so the mos,t you know, I can get is a kiss good night. I have a great looking son, here, let me show you. He’s studying Physical Therapy at Rutgers. The main thing in life is this: Do what you like, you’ll make money at it. What ever you like to do in life, do it. Basic things make you happy, good family life. Family is the most important. Carol! Did you hear me?! Family!
AskaNewYorker: See you later! Thanks, you’re the best.
