Taking the Sex and the City bus tour is not unlike going to a Broadway show. You buy your ticket in advance. You arrive at the venue and someone shows you to your seat. You squeeze in tight rows, knee to knee with strangers, and wait for the curtain to rise. As a tour guide, I am ticket-taker, usher, bathroom attendant, and female ingénue. My act is well-rehearsed; I have carefully crafted jokes and perfectly timed dramatic pauses. I have props and physical bits, soliloquies and asides. I dig deep into that tool-belt they were always talking about in acting school (my undergraduate degree in theatre coming, finally, in handy) and build tension and excitement with my vocal instrument. And I always adhere to the golden rule of the stage: Experience each moment as if it were happening now and for the first time. This is crucial for a show that has been running for seven years.
The fabulous Sutton Foster in "Anything Goes" at the Stephen Sondheim Theatre on Broadway.
In addition, however, to the Sex and the City bus tour, my company offers a more intimate way to experience Carrie’s New York: the private charter. The private charter covers the same material as the regular tour but is designed for smaller parties, typically 4-6 customers, and takes place in a limousine. It can be, to put it mildly, awkward. Think of it this way: Sutton Foster is mesmerizing when singing and dancing her heart out for thousands on the stage of the Stephen Sondheim Theater. Put Sutton Foster in your living room with an audience of four and she suddenly seems a bit…over the top.
People book private charters for all sorts of reasons—birthdays, bachelorette parties, Mary Kay incentive prizes—and they are a good way for a tour guide to make extra money. These private tours also provide fodder for some of the wackiest stories in a Sex and the City tour guide’s cannon. Since my little foray into the Scottish Highlands, I’ve been picking up a ton of charter shifts to replenish my funds. As a result, I’ve found myself reminiscing about some of my craziest charter experiences, and today I’ve decided open the charter vault and share with you one of my favorites.
Private charter tours are usually booked months in advance, but several years ago my company called with an odd request: Could I do a private tour for some very important people right away? I told them I could, as long as they promised that I’d be done in time to make a 3:00 doctor’s appointment. My office assured me that that would not be a problem, the tour would only be three hours, 11:00 AM – 2:00 PM. I was to meet the clients at the St. Regis Hotel, which was an excellent sign; very important people who stay at the very elegant St. Regis Hotel tend to leave a very good tip.
The St. Regis Hotel: 2 East 55th Street at 5th Avenue
I arrived at the St. Regis at 10:45, and at 11:00 two men with ear pieces approached and asked if I’d been sent by On Location Tours. When I said that indeed I had, they took me to a quiet corner of the lobby and sat me down for what they called a security briefing. That is when I learned that my VIP client was actually a Queen, thereafter to be known only as Her Royal Highness. When I asked what Her Royal Highness was the queen of, I was told that it was a small Middle Eastern country but any further information was strictly classified. The security staff would need copies of our intended route to give to the armed cars that would proceed and follow HRH’s limousine. By the time the route was approved, it was already noon.
Her Royal Highness was accompanied by her four children, two girls in their late teens, and two little girls, each with their own British nanny. The teenage daughters and the Queen all looked the same age, and I couldn’t help but exclaim, “You look way too young to be their mother!,” a compliment for an American woman, but who knows when you’re addressing a royal who may have been betrothed since birth. HRH gave me an odd smile and then returned to her video game. That’s right, HRH was addicted to a hand-held gaming device that she played for the next hour. Eventually she pried her eyes away from the screen and whispered into her handler’s ear. Apparently all that gaming had made her hungry because the handler then turned to me and said, “Her Royal Highness would like a falafel sandwich.” A falafel sandwich? Where in hell would I get falafel fit for a Middle Eastern Queen? In a burst of inspiration, I remembered Mamoun’s, vaguely recalling that it was somewhere near Bleecker and MacDougal. Our little parade began to circle around and around the chaos of the Village, poorly navigating the one-way streets, while the handler got on his headset and tried to clear our detour with security. Let me add that through all of this the only people remotely interested in Sex and the City were the two British nannies.
Mamoun's: 119 MacDougal Street between Bleecker and West 3rd
After running into Mamoun’s myself and ordering eight falafel sandwiches to go, it was 2 PM. I was informed that HRH wanted me to take her shopping in SoHo. I told the handler that I would get her to Spring Street but then I’d really have to run. At 2:55, when we finally found a spot to park, the handler told me that I could retrieve my tip at the concierge’s desk.
The concierge’s desk? My tip was at the St. Regis. It was clear I would never make my appointment, so I spent the next hour trekking back to East 55th, rationalizing that my royalty-sized tip would surely cover the cost of my doctor’s cancellation fee. What was reasonable for a tip from a Queen? Two hundred? Five hundred? A thousand?
The envelope waiting for me at the St. Regis contained thirty dollars. I am happy to report, however, that my doctor waved her fee because the story was just that good.
When you are in SATC, you go to the Middle East. When you are SATC tour guide, the Middle East comes to you.
Emily Sproch is a writer and a “Sex and the City” tour guide. Each Friday, she chronicles the fine line between reality and fiction in her column “Almost Carrie.”
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Lindsey Gentile is an actor, writer, comedienne, and all-around gal-about-town. Originally South Florida, she now lives in a small studio apartment in Hell's Kitchen with her dog, Oliver, who she adopted as a ploy to pick up men. Every Thursday, she reports from the front lines of single life in NYC. 
Born and raised in New York, Maria Gorshin is a frequent contributor to WestSideRag.com and UntappedCities.com. She delves into the secrets of New York architecture on the second Friday of every month in her column "Talking to the Walls." You can also check out her blog at CityGirlWrites.blogspot.com. 
Rooted in culture, education, lifestyle and entertainment, Desi has been inspired by the stories of children she’s met around the world. She’s taught and mentored children throughout NYC, Canada and Ecuador and has produced and co-authored several children’s musicals and story-book play adaptations. She is the creator and host of Women in the Making: Tomorrow's History Today©, a radio show on WBAI 99.5 FM highlighting the views, perspective, questions, goals and accomplishments of today's girl. WIM covers a full range of topics from images in the media, finances and school to healthy eating, careers and the role of girls and women in revolutions around the world. Desi also created What’s Cookin’ in the World, Miss Desi? © an arts-based international cooking program to address the bevy of health issues plaguing today’s youth, including childhood obesity. What’s Cookin’© explores culinary cultural landscapes and fosters in students new cultural experiences while “pushing” their palates, offering them options for healthy eating. Desi is currently exploring nutrition and the connection between food and wellness while apprenticing at Natural Gourmet Institute for Health & Culinary Arts. She holds an MBA in media management from Metropolitan College of New York and a BA in Communication from the University of Hartford. Desi sits on the board of award-winning Children’s Theatre Company in NYC and is a reporter for WBAI Radio in NYC and Rice N Peas magazine in London, where she’s written articles on the ever-changing ideals of beauty, health, music, hip-hop culture, politics and fame. 
Pi Douglass is a veteran of thirteen Broadway shows including: "Hello Dolly", "Purlie", "Jesus Christ Superstar", "The Wiz", "A Chorus Line", and "La Cages Aux Folles". He has done industrials and commercials for many leading businesses and traveled around Europe in the role of the lead singer, "the Cop", on a tour with the "Village People". In 2006, along with his writing partner, A. Wellington Perkins, Mr. Douglass produced "In Our Time", about the Gypsy Robe Awards, at Lincoln Center. The show was sponsored by Actors' Equity and the League of Women during black history month for the celebration of African Americans who had received the Gypsy Robe Award. Pi himself received the Gypsy Robe Award three times during his stage career. Some of his works as a playwright and author along with his writing partner, A. Wellington Perkins include: "Champagne, Fireworks, and Two Old Dolls", "Pride Day", and a TV series screenplay, "Striver’s Row". Mr. Douglass also wrote, produced, and performed in his own Off-Off-Broadway one-man-show, "A Slice of Pi". 
Poet, novelist, and gay activist, Perry Brass has published 15 books and been nominated for 6 Lambda Literary Awards. Originally from Savanah, Georgia, Perry has now called New York his since 1966. In 1969, he joined the Gay Liberation Front and became an editor at "Come Out!", the world’s first gay liberation newspaper. Check out his musings on love, sex, and intimacy in his column "The Wisdom of Desire" on the 25th of each month. 
A writer, producer and avid traveler, Janice McDonald has visited all 50 states, more than 70 countries and all seven continents. While based in Atlanta, you are more apt to find her on an island in the South pacific or hiking the Inca Trail in Peru. They know her by name at Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson Airport!
Having spent 20 years at CNN, she continued her traveling escapades when she went out on her own and started her company J-Mac Productions. She works regularly with a host of networks in the area of field production and writing. Shows she has produced include Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern and International Open House with the Travel Channel.
Janice’s articles have appeared in newspapers and magazines across the globe. She is also the author of Historic Walking Guides: Bruges, The Insider’s Guide to Atlanta, The Insider’s Guide to Myrtle Beach and the Grand Strand, The Myrtle Beach Pavilion and the soon to be published Aiken. 
Raised a Millenarianist, Villagemon has lived through many apocolyptic periods. He finds himself commenting more on politics than he ever intended, but he's a sucker for every new season of political hope. A Greenwich Village New Yorker since he learned to shlep and kvetch in 1982, he still remains attuned to those west of the river through frequent bicycle trips. His AANY column is a small step toward being a solid citizen and finding true north. 
Tamara Morgan is an art therapist and social worker in the South Bronx and a graduate of NYU’s Steinhardt School for Art Therapy. Diagnosed at birth with osteogenesis imperfecta, a condition that makes her bones abnormally fragile, Tamara writes about conquering the NYC as an individual with a disability. She lives in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. 
Emily Sproch is a writer and a "Sex and the City" tour guide. Each Friday, she chronicles the fine line between reality and fiction in her column "Almost Carrie." She has lived in New York for over ten years—most recently in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn—with her husband Nick. 
Andrew Bell is a board member of VFP.org, correspondent and producer for WBAI.org 99.5FM, chapter organizer for the bigapplecoffeeparty.org, progressive political campaign operative, model, actor and former dancer who enjoys writing about his insights, observations and meditations gained while maintaining a Spiritual presence in the core of the Big Apple. Andrew is a resident of Manhattan. 
Thomas Pryor's work has appeared in The New York Times, Mr. Beller's Neighborhood, A Prairie Home Companion, New York Press, Underground Voices Magazine, Opium Magazine Online, Our Town, The West Side Spirit and Ducts. Thomas curates a monthly storytelling show at Cornelia Street Café on the second Tuesday of the month. His story, "Madame Butterfly Goes Down", is part of Thomas Beller's anthology, "Lost and Found: Stories from New York." His blog: "Yorkville: Stoops to Nuts," is listed in the City Room Blog Roll of The New York Times and his weekly radio show was featured on the Centanni Broadcasting Network. Two of his stories were published in “Mickey Mantle ~ Memories and Memorabilia” by Larry Canale. His newspaper column runs in Our Town and The West Side Spirit. Thomas appeared on PBS's acclaimed nostalgic TV series: "Baseball: A New York Love Story," and he was featured on public radio’s “This American Life.” Thomas is a regular contributor to NearSay.com and Askanewyorker.com. He has written his first book, "Yorkville: Stoops to Nuts." 
Addie Morfoot covers the film industry as a freelance journalist for "Daily Variety" and is finishing her MFA in Creative Writing at The New School. Last year, her world turned upside when she gave birth to her son, Harry. Catch up with Addie each Monday as she writes about juggling work, school, marriage, and motherhood in the Big Apple. 
Check out the AANY staff's musings on city life, pop culture, politics, and more. 
Kelly Rush is the Field Liaison for the Alliance for Downtown New York, the Business Improvement District (BID) for Lower Manhattan. Every other Thursday, she writes about what's up downtown and provides info on everything from where to find great corned beef to where to find great parking. Kelly received her MFA in Creative Writing at The New School and lives in South Slope, Brooklyn with her cat Bluey. 